So, you wanna be a Chicken?

What is a Chicken?(Bwak-bwak) Did I hear you correctly? Oh, I did? Okay, I'll tell you.

The Chickens(Bwak-bwak) are a group of people who, inspired by the Monkees' take on violence, have decided they would rather 'chicken out' (bwak-bwak) than fight.

"You see, whenever a member of the club gets in a tense situation that demands courage, valor, honor, and everything, it's his loyal duty as a member of this club to chicken out. Chicken out! Bwak-bwak-bwak!"
-- Micky Dolenz

It is based on the idea that it often takes more courage and more strength of will to not fight, not to mention more clever underhanded behavior.
(/me winks at fellow know what I'm talking about.)

So we have gathered together here to celebrate the joy of being a Chicken(Bwak-bwak), of choosing not to fight. After all, pride's not everything. We'd much rather not get hurt. What good is honor if it lands you in a hospital?

Mike: "We, the Order of the Chickens, Bwak-bwak, have been challenged. I will now throw the meeting open to the floor for any suggestions, Mr. Tork?"

Peter: "I move we fight. Our honor has been smirched."

Mike: "What?"

Peter: "Smirped."

Mike: "What?"

Peter: "Be-dirtied."

Mike: "What?"

Peter: "Well, they hurt my feelings."

Micky: "Fight? Fight! Gentlemen, may I remind you, as fellow Chickens, Bwak-bwak, that fighting is, number one, unconstitutional, number two, it is very fruitless in solving a problem, and number three, you can really, really get hurt."

Mike: "As the duly elected president of the Chickens, Bwak-bwak, I move that we take some course of action immediately."

All: "Right!"

Mike: "We leave. Right babe?"

So you see, being a chicken(Bwak-bwak) can get you out of a lot of problems. Some people will try to tell you that they are better than you because they have 'honor'. But you have the moral advantage. You understand that violence is never the solution, and, as Micky stated, you can really, really get hurt. It takes the stronger person to say no, I won't fight, I won't give in to your petty provocations.

If anyone ever smirches, um, smirps, um, be-dirties, um, hurts your feelings about being a Chicken(Bwak-bwak), just remember, you have one thing no one else does.

"But how many of your gang can, in fact, lay eggs!" -- Mike Nesmith

So, do you think you're a Chicken?(Bwak-bwak) It's not too hard to figure out. You're most likely a good Chicken candidate(Bwak-bwak) if you meet most or all of these criteria.

Chickens(Bwak-bwak) hate violence on principle. This one is not optional; it is a must for any Chicken(Bwak-bwak). Chickens(Bwak-bwak) never fight.

Chickens(Bwak-bwak) are generally good at coming up with creative ways to get out of tense situations, including underhanded behavior and saying weird things to confuse the challenger.

If a Chicken(Bwak-bwak) cannot come up with said creative means, they are not embarassed to run away. Anything is preferable to violence.

Chickens(Bwak-bwak) understand that violence solves nothing and proclaim it to anyone who will listen.

Most Chickens(Bwak-bwak) like the Monkees, since they inspired this loose organization, but you need not be a Monkees fan to join. It is open to all Chicken-like(Bwak-bwak) people.

So why resist it? If you're a born Chicken(Bwak-bwak), there's nothing you can do about it except admit it!

"I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a chicken, Ward, I don't wanna be a chicken...I'm a chicken, I'm a chicken!" -- Micky

See? Micky admitted it, and just look how much happier he is!

If you feel you should be in the Sacred Order of the Chickens(Bwak-bwak), Email me at with your name and whether or not you've ever worn a chicken(Bwak-bwak) suit(the highest of honors), and I'll add you to the list!

Click here for a list of all the current members of the Sacred Order of the Chickens(Bwak-bwak).

Once you've joined, there are only three rules in the constitution.

You may never fight. Period. Violence is off-limits. The only exception is if your life or someone else's life is in danger and there is absolutely nothing you can do, short of violence, to save them or yourself. Then it is permitted. Preserving life is the key.

You must help fellow Chickens(Bwak-bwak), help them to regain control if they are in danger of breaking rule number 1.

You may not let the word "chicken"(Bwak-bwak) slip from anyone's lips, including your own, without throwing in a compulsary "Bwak-bwak," or equivalent chicken(Bwak-bwak) noise.

That's it! Happy Chickening!(Bwak-bwak)

Back like in a boxback!

So Far, Chickens(Bwak-bwak) have followed the path of non-violence to this page.

The Mascot, Nishwash the Texas Prairie Chicken